7/29/21

I don’t have anything to say, but I said I would sit here and bang on this keyboard regardless.

It’s hard for me to focus on something in front of me when I have a timeline looming in front of me. All I can focus on is that timeline.
I have a haircut appointment I need to leave for in an hour. All I can think about is needing to leave. I don’t want to get comfortable and focus on something in case I focus right through the time I need to leave.

A very real fear, I have a strange sense of time. I don’t know how to properly explain it off the top of my head, which needs a haircut, and I need to leave for that haircut in 50 minutes.

I am bad at gauging how long a task will take, or eerily accurate.
I don’t mean, I’m wrong or I’m right. I mean I will guess that it would take me 30 minutes to do something, and it takes 2 hours.
Or, I think something will take EXACTLY as long as it takes to do.
It’s mostly the being super wrong though.

This does get me in trouble, when I have an appointment at 12, and tell a friend I can certainly finish this project on their car within 2 hours if I start at 10.
I was late to that appointment, but I think that’s in part due to my focus honing in harder and sharper the closer that deadline approached.
At 10:00, I’m putting out 30% focus / production, but that % creeps up until I’m putting out 150% at 11:55.

I’m going to play some Magic to kill time, stress, then leave 30 minutes early and sit in the parking lot sweating while I wait until 15 minutes past my appointment time to go in.

I know this, but I’m still going to do it.

Write the fuckin story dude.
Am I writing the story right now?

Nah. I’m not, but wow this song is killing it for me right now.

[https://open.spotify.com/track/7LV0WmAkb9N7en9ODc99kY?si=dec627ff8ab54e64]

Music is a staggeringly large part of my life, I remember when I first heard music.
In church, we sang hymns, but this music reached into my soul and pulled me out.
I think the song was… hmm… I have two earliest ‘Worldly’ song memories - one is Mambo No. 5 by Louie Bega. The other is One More Time by Daft Punk.

Sure, they probably aren’t The First Songs Ever that I heard and resonated with, maybe there were others.
Either way, they stick out. Beats and tunes distorted by the flat alarm clock speaker on my dads nightstand.
Sure, it was his alarm clock, but it had an AM/FM radio built in, and I was hooked.

Daft Punk left me fiending, and I returned to the source with desperate addictive intent.
I’d be outside my parents room, shaking and twitching, shuddering for a morsel of a melody.

Now? I listen to music like I breathe.
Wake up, start music and jump in shower.
Have entire day, moving music from speaker to headset to phone to PC.
Upbeat, downtempo, throwback, new age.
My ears devour every title as fast as they can turn the page.