Dear Maya

Hey Mayannaise,

I finally got that tattoo for you, so I can show you the world you won’t get to see.
It’s silly that I know you wouldn’t want me to feel like this, but here I am.

No.

You want to know what’s going well, so check this shit out.
I started drawing more, and the other day, wanted to play the piano.
I still feel the same smothery pain, but it’s thinner. I can see and breathe more.
I can feel more, and I want to turn around and curl right back up in that comfortable hole I’ve been in.

I think, in a strange way, I’ve been trying to die in spirit so you won’t be alone.

I just got a text on my phone, and it’s a quote.
”It is not very often that an opportunity comes knocking.
But when it does, you’d better be bathed and dressed and ready to answer its call.”

I’d argue that opportunity knocks all the time, but it’s not always at the door.
I have to pay attention and answer when it shows up.
Listening harder doesn’t seem to do the trick, I actually have to get better.

I’ll only hear it if I’m ready, so I’m listening.

Love,

Drewski

Dear Maya

Dear Maya,

I started drawing the tattoo, the one I said I’d make for you.
The one I think about every day, and with it I think of you.

There’s so much I’ve gone through that’ll never be shared.
Life kicked the legs out from under the stool, and I landed on my feet.

I just started drawing and this song came on. It made me look directly at the sorrow that burns inside of me.
Blinding flames of dreams and shames, you were the fire that lit my hope and the key that set it free.
Why do I feel guilty for living when you didn’t get to?
I don’t want to accept a reality that continues without you.

I remember the time your phone died, and I drove to a police station at midnight and sat outside.
Can you call a police department in another city?
How can you tell if someone is dead, or just feeling extra shitty.

Thank you for everything, don’t feel bad for any of my worry.
You helped me realize that I cared.
Learning the world doesn’t end, when my true self was shared.
It broke your heart, but you shared exactly how you felt.
You didn’t hide any emotions you were delt.
We slept, woke up, and kept on talking.
Our relationship died, but our friendship kept on walking.
Then it was running, by leap and bound.
We shared fresh discoveries and things we’d found.

I miss you, and wonder if I ever won’t.
————————————————
If you want then when we die
We'll ascend to someplace way up high
At the gate, they'll show you through
If they ask me, I'm with you

And I'll face the one who made
My disgusting heart from a lump of clay
Should he ask what got me through
If he asks me, it was you
————————————————

Life is a dry sandwich to swallow without Mayannaise.

Love you loads,

Drewski