9/1/21

Back again, back again, jiggity jig.

These past few weeks have been pretty rough, I’ve been simmering in depression since I started the antidepressants. I thought they would magically make me feel better, but they don’t do that. It sort of turns the volume down, or it did initially. I’m right back in the thick of things now, but I’m assuming that’s due to withdrawal from breaking a daily marijuana coping habit. For me, smoking seems to be a bit like making a withdrawal on future enjoyment / good feelings. I’m paying back a 3 year loan, one day at a time. This doesn’t mean I’m in for 3 years of misery (knocks on wood) but it does mean the next month or so is going to be varying degrees of rough.

I don’t know what I need to say, but I know I need to say something.

What is it?

Maybe I don’t need to say something, but instead, I need to feel something.

Anything that isn’t this all encompassing blanket of dread.
Blah blah I feel bad, blah blah I feel sad.

I read an interesting bit about saying I feel sad instead of I am sad. It keeps you from self identifying with the emotion, and makes them easier to process.
So they say, time will tell, hey?

I am optimistic.