Blogging into the void as loud as I can type

I’m worried.

I’m always worried.

I’m so worried I don’t even feel worried anymore. I don’t feel anything.

I’m a pair of eyes wired to a ball of worry, all held together by a series of knots and tension.

I hold back from pursuing the things I am actually passionate about, because I worry about being bad at it. What if I don’t do it well? What will happen? Will the Do The Fuckin Thing Good Police kick in my door and shoot my audaciously untalented body full of holes? Will an angry mob show up at my door, kick it in, and shoot my audaciously untalented body full of holes? Will anything happen that doesn’t end with my audaciously untalented body full of holes? It’s a legitimate concern these days, with the way every other headline is screaming about headshots of various flavors. When I was young I was terrified an airplane was going to crash into whatever building I was in smear my audaciously untalented body into an audaciously untalented but amusing looking paste.

Now I sit at a job I despise, doing work I don’t enjoy, to earn a paycheck I need to pay for the roof over my head. Well, I’ve now realized, who cares? Are you talented? I haven’t thought about you a single day in my life. Who are you? You don’t know me. Shit, you don’t know me in the slightest. Why do you care if I care about you or your talents? Why does my opinion matter to you, and why would yours matter to me? It’s a dangerous sentiment though, because we need to care about how others think in some measure, else every single one of us would engage in some Pretty Egregious Things if we didn’t give a shit what anyone thought. There are two types of people in the world. There is You, and then there is Not You. I assure you, almost every single person you meet is going to fall under the latter category, you would do well to contemplate how your actions or behaviors would affect people you meet that are Not You.

Sure, I love spicy, but black pepper overwhelms your senses. To me? This soup isn’t spicy. To you? It’s unbearable. Who’s right?

Me, naturally, spicy is the best way to do things because it’s the way I like to do things.

No, we’re both right. This is one of the flaws in our programming, neither of us are wrong.

I set out to start a blog that would convey what it’s like to be in my head over the course of time. I think this is a perfectly indicative start.