i put the big letters up here

I dip in and out of my memories with hesitance, flinching at the icy drops against my skin.

Why does it hurt to remember?

The empty lot across the street from our house turned to hay in the summer. The sun scorched the green out, leaving dust and grasshoppers behind.

Being a kid was an adventure, I took care of myself. I was an excellent babysitter with a glorious imagination, so I took me all over the world. I danced on tightropes between skyscrapers, hid from the cops, fought off monsters that lurked in bushes, and climbed to the top of every tree I could find to look at more of the world. I could journey alone, or party with brothers and sisters. We had loads of games and adventures we’d have when we weren’t at war with one another. All those bodies and minds cramped up, we were bound to jostle and bump against one another. I wonder what we’d be like if we’d all had complete freedom. Who’d be married? Who’d be successful? Who’d do what? Would Audrey be a world renowned artist? She’s so grown up and glamorous to me. Would Chase run a company? I don’t know enough about them to know who they are now. Time marches on and we all change with it. That’s good, we’re supposed to change. Curiosity killed the cat, but it fuels my burning growth.

Shit I keep forgetting I don’t smoke anymore.
Fuckin habits man, the bad ones are blackberry seeds in the molars of our lives.

cuele. That’s not pronounced how you think it is, I assure you. One time, I got so lit I couldn’t pronounce or remember the word ‘cool’, and ‘cuele’ showed up and took its place. Then it sort of stuck around, people seem to get what I mean when I spit it out instead of ‘cool’ so it slipped into my vercabandoliery.

How about the words we used to use, the long lost and dead slang terms? I don’t remember any of them, and I wonder what they were. I remember when dank hit the scene, rode up on a skateboard and took ‘Cool’s dream.