Running From My Shadow

It’s hard to escape my own shadow, but I’ve only just realized I don’t need to escape it.
I need to turn around and hold it close.
I’ve heard of the concept of a shadow self, but understood it in a malignant light.
My shadow self was all the ‘Bad’ parts of me, and shouldn’t be acknowledged in the light.
Well, it turns out I was very wrong.
The shadow self is the parts of me that I don’t think should be seen, but that simply isn’t true.
The parts that-
I have learned to turn away from, the parts I find shameful or abhorrent.
I think people will recoil in horror from, the parts I think will drive others away.
Were driven into darkness when I was young, and locked away by the growing me.

Close your eyes, and turn to your shadow self.
What does it look like?
Trembling, dirty, hurt and scared.
A young me, captured exactly during a hurtful memory I carry.
This is when I first pushed it away.

What does it want to say to you?
Why did you treat me the way you were treated?

What do you want to say to it?
I’m sorry I didn’t keep you safe.
I’m sorry I renounced you, and then shut you out in the dark.
I’m sorry I’ve ignored you and your needs my entire life.

Ask it what you can do to acknowledge it, and do better.
See me. Listen to me. Bring me along in your life. Our life. My life.
Do not be ashamed of me, for I am you, and you are not a shameful thing.

Well.

That’s some food for thought.
Do better. Be better.
I’m trying.